Man, F – MS

You know what really sucks? What really sucks is not being able to raise your arms to detangle your hair. What else sucks, is that you know that you have this thing that makes things that you used to do feel physically impossible.

At the moment I am talking to a Google doc that I will transfer over to either a Facebook status or a blog post but it’s just incredibly frustrating. So I’m sad. I am depressed. This disease is depressing. Not being able to do things for myself that I used to do is depressing.

And I have no idea how to find myself out of that depression. It is an abyss and I don’t even know if I have hit the bottom yet. I just feel like I’m falling down a hole and I don’t know how to climb out. It hurts so bad.

I don’t even know if the speech to text is typing correctly. I can’t see my screen clearly. Everything I look at is blurry.

I have days when I talk between this incredible immense sadness incredibly debilitating feeling of Fear and Loathing and not wanting to do anything but wanting to do everything and then feeling depressed because I can’t do anything.

I want a hug. I feelA hug would be really comforting right now. I don’t feel a hug would solve everything, or anything, but it would just be really nice to have.

If the speech to text type something and accurate, I can’t blame it. I am speaking through tears at the moment.

I missed when I used to be able to drive myself places. I miss when I used to be able to lift a ten pound bag of gardening soil. I miss when I used to go hiking with my nieces and nephew. I just want to find a way out. I’m scared.


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